First Kiss Retro

Been in a mid-winter funk for a week....it was in march years ago that I first kissed a girl, at a univeristy social (I was a dork, and when I use the term "was", I am mean that the event happened in the past not that my dorkiness is in the past tense....came as a total surprise at the time - I was just chatting with her, and others, at a university social...as things wound dow, I walked her to the door...unexpectantly, but very pleasantly, she reached up and kissed me, sending me into a romantic stupor for quite some time....the neatest thing was that I didn't see it coming.....for those who are as clueless as me, this link gives some good hints as to when a femme is interested in (ignore the teen part....it seems good advice about any femme I've encountered)....I miss that girl, I miss her deeply, but I never really understood what was really going on her head....she could run so damn hot and cold.....one time, she told me she was a lesbian, and only went out with me to keep up appearances....I said ok, I'm cool with that, but if she was a lesbian, and it was just for appearances, why was she so damn aggresive sexually...I mean, she would call me up in the middle of the night for quickies, and if it was for appearances only, why the middle-of-the night quickies which no-one knew about but us....I guess the 'appearances' were only for me, but I don't get what that means.....I would still drop any girl for her in a millisecond.....last saw her in Halifax....I mean, we made out in the snow, man....god, I miss her.....